Saturday, December 15, 2007

Day 01:This First Drafts Major is Sucking

So, I already missed a day and it wasn’t’ even day one yet. Wow, okay, we’ll just pretend that I wrote the day ) on Friday. But, for whatever its worth, I was watching the Sweeny Todd play from 715—1130. I will find an excuse for everything, it makes me feel better.

Okay, excuses aren’t good. I should have written a bit last night, but I didn’t. Instead, I watched lost. But today, I had this incredible resolution. I figured out why writing has been so difficult these last few weeks.

Is it writers block? No, I only get that when I start stories. I know exactly where this Is going. Is it boredom? NO, it surely can not be that. I stayed up for a half hour figuring out how I would introduce characters in different places. Am I scared/ Yes.

The truth is the only reason why II have written even 100 words is because I took the advice that I have heard dozens of times. I stopped editing while writing. I made me get stuff f down.

Take for example a conflict that is bring. A character by the name of Jordan Boomer wants another character named Ryan to steal guns from the Police station. By doing this, Ryan in the end betrays his brother. I wasn’t sure if I was making this believable, though, there wasn’t enough context.. Now, these guns were just discovered a chapter ago. What I want to do is have them discovered in the beginning the book. I want Ryan to feel betrayed by Ralph, who treats him badly through the start of the book . But in order to show that, I will add more scenes with them, and more dialogue between the brothers.

If I were editing while writing, I would stop where I was and change everything, right now. But, then I wander if I should just get it down first. I get discouraged. I start to wander how I even mad ether mistake in the first place.

What if I do edit after edit and it never gets better/ What if no one like sit? What if it sucks?

What if its just not good enough? What if I am just not good enough?

I think I have a fear of not being liked, it something that always scared me as a kid. Although, I am outspend, and rarely change for society, it doesn’t’ really stop the fear of being hated,

I think that is why people do one of two things, or both things,

1. They edit while writing. They keep on editing, and editing until they burn out.
2. They simply stop writing.

Managed fear is not necessarily a bad thing, after all, it can motivate us., and that is not to mention fear is a natural emotion, like anger, or happiness. But, fear, unmanaged, is potentially the worst thing a aspiring writer can ever face.

What I have to tell myself, over and over is that first drafts can suck. It’s a matter of getting it down. It’s okay to write badly, but rewriting is the real thing. After all, you have to start with something, right?

Maybe rewriting won’t work, but I guess one will never know, until they try it. .

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